He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
