she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
