What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
