I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The air was thick with penises
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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