Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
