Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
