I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
