drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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