im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize