mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
