If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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