you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
