if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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