How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
sarcasm needs its own font
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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