I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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