I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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