Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
