i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
