i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
