this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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