i permit you to call me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
