it wasn't lemon gatorade
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
