And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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