we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
