What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
