I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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