How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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