I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
