I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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