Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
