Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
