My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
