She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize