your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
