I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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