look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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