Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
