The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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