remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
