Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
