Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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