i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
