I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
