So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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