I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize