please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
