why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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