just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
