My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I want a musical about memes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
