i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
