Buhtt sex?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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