i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
