my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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