fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
