we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
