I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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