Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
