By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
