If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
