wakey wakey hands off snakey
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
