no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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