I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize