i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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