I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
