so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
