This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
