I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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