Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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