Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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