your thong is hanging out like whoa
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she peed on how many people?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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