So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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