i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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