so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
