Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
